Why go there?
Is mental health relevant only when it comes to others life? Do you ever feel like its just not "for you"? Why is that? Why is confronting some truths about one's own mental health so daunting?This blog is an entry of “Scribbles with The Quaint Space”, a weekly journalling initiative done by The Quaint Space on Substack.
Scribbles with The Quaint Space is an attempt to encourage you to record your thoughts, emotions and memories about various prompts that will be shared with you on a weekly basis through our Substack newsletter. Along with the prompt, Sharanya’s journal entry will be shared as well, so that you could use that as a jump off point, in case you don’t know where to start.
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Happy Reading!
In today’s hyper aware society, everybody knows the need for taking care of oneself, giving one’s own voice the priority and more importantly, the need for self-care, but mostly as a concept. While everyone appreciates a bit of relaxation and meditation here and there, very few are interested in diving deep into the crux of being aware of their mind, wholly. Most others, like an old-version of myself, simply stop at the question “why go there?” before they brush off the uncomfortable thoughts and hide them under the rug.
Take sometime off to Scribble your thoughts about these questions and more importantly, to reflect on what stops you from connecting with your past self. Visit The Quaint Space Substack for prompts that are cues for this exercise.
Honestly I get it! You are going about life decently well, you’ve developed a mechanism to somehow keep your emotions at bay in most situations. There are obviously some moments when you can't seem to keep it under control and all hell breaks loose, but who doesn't have a bad day or two, right? Everybody needs to explode at some point in time. Once the explosion occurs, you pull yourself back together, with a set of new information that needs to be covered up and forgotten as per the internal ctrl+alt+delete mechanism. And everything goes back to being normal. Or sort of. Why put yourself through a situation in which you consciously dismantle this mechanism or even question this well-oiled machine.
Having spent some time with my practice and research at the Quaint Space, I get asked this question a lot. I would absolutely love living in a world where everybody is open to trying out ways to connect with their minds like they try out clothes that are marketed to them on all socials, but the reality is that most people are still trying to answer the question - “Why go there? Our outdated system works, why wreck it”.
Well, let me tell you that if you are not ready to question your outdated system filled with defences and look past the question of why, then there is hardly anything that any initiative or program can do for you. You could come up with a million reasons why you shouldn't go there, but finding the courage in yourself to ask “why shouldn’t I?”, is key. The first step is to be brave enough to question patterns that may or may not have worked for you in the past. It always starts with you questioning your own system.
The need of the hour is more than simply being aware of the importance of mental wellness, it is to assess and introspect - To put this awareness into good use to your own life perspective. And that I believe needs a bit of courage.
Let me tell you my few cents of why you should go there. Why face the uncomfortable truth?
Because your life and your experiences take you there everyday
Yep! That’s right! Whether you like it or not, your mind takes you there almost everyday. No matter how well the system works, all of us juggle with a set of defence mechanisms created by our past versions. These defence mechanisms built over the years have helped us a great deal with a variety of core situations, especially in our childhood. We all rely on these unconscious trusty mental mechanisms, and so our mind keeps them handy. However, as we grow older, we hardly ever update these mechanisms. We still depend on the versions that worked for us as children but in our adult or present perspectives they help very little. On the contrary, they act like unconscious time capsules and it may do more harm than help.
Committing wholly to inner work helps us update these mechanisms. It may not help you get completely rid of these mechanisms, because let’s be honest we definitely need it to some degree but it works on building better coping skills that are relevant and effective to our reality. Or the Now. These coping skills help you prioritise and focus on the thoughts beneficial for the present, without automatically taking you back to a past experience.
And that’s one reason why you shouldn’t fear going there!
Because we carry different versions of ourselves in every situation we encounter - There’s always an uninvited guest with us.
It is no new information that we all have different versions of ourselves. As Erving Goffman suggested, we are all in a constant performance of Self based on the requirements of the situations that we encounter. This helps us shift roles during the day. In addition to this there are several unconscious versions that we carry around with us, constantly. For example, the inner child, the teenager, the good kid, the insecure tween and so on. These versions resemble the younger us. If you’ve seen pictures and videos that say “if a younger version of me saw this, she would be so elated”, that younger version is exactly who I am talking about.
In addition to the defence mechanisms that we carry around, our forgotten younger selves tag along with us. They occasionally whisper sweet nothings which can sometimes resemble some sort of a trauma or an indulgence or a bad memory, that may not be of relevance or importance in your present reality but can very well jeopardise it. And once again, you may find yourself going there - the place you wish you didn't and sometimes, it's hard to snap out of it. It becomes even more tricky to snap out of it, because you are hardly ever aware that you’ve gone there, or that it's another version of you acting out or functioning at the moment. Once again, this strengthens your older defence mechanisms. And you know what that does.
Inner work, for one, helps you become aware of the previous versions that you carry along with you. This helps you prioritise the version that can help you in a given situation. It trains you to pick and choose the thoughts and intentions that best serve you in the now but also helps you pacify other versions that may be triggering. This doesn’t involve forcefully hushing the negative voice or sweeping it under the rug but helps you listen to them, and choose the voice that can be on your side in the given situation. For those versions that may be a bit more tricky to handle, inner work equips you with appropriate exercises or activities to let them out and listen to them, in a safe environment.
And that’s another reason why it's important to go there.
Because going there isn't only about letting go of the negative experiences, it's also about appreciating your past self.
The most powerful impact of taking on the journey of inner work came to me when I started appreciating my past versions for everything she did to stay afloat. While some of her decisions and defence mechanisms may not work for the life I lead now, she gave her best shot. I also believe that I wouldn't have been able to be the person I am today or even gain the information and understanding that I have now, if she hadn't exactly been the way she was. All this is to say that I thank her for giving her best shot at most things that she did.
This realisation that “going there” isn't only about letting go of my past experiences that are unpleasant, but more about letting in all those positive actions, decisions and achievements that I personally value, is something that most of us don't realise. The journey of inner work is about learning to develop positive emotions towards yourself (and all versions of it). The journey towards there might be a bit bumpy because our thinking patterns are such that we remember the negatives before we do the positives. We will need to wade through all the not so nice memories to get to the good part (like they say). But the sense of gratitude that you feel for yourself and your journey thus far, is like no other.
So why go there? Because along with the not so fun memories that you have chosen to forget, there are some positive memories that you have not paid heed to. Go there, because you deserve to remember them.
Because going there only makes your journey from here better.
Till now I’ve discussed the reasons related to your past. But now onto the one that truly matters. Going there makes your journey in the NOW and in the future better. You are more well-informed, and truly connected to yourself - the good, the bad and the ugly. You’ve wholly accepted who you are and identified what actually matters to you. The amalgamation of such realisations transform the way you view your future possibilities, and your true potential. Acceptance of your flaws and your strengths helps you build a path that has solid grounding as well as supported with exercises that can truly back you up. So there’s little that can stop you.
The journey of realisation also gives you perspective about the kind of success that truly matters to you. It shows you that you have the capacity within you to pave a journey that truly reflects you, and is uniquely crafted for you. Not a simple replication of someone else’s journey. That's where your true potential starts to unfold. You prioritise better, plan better and focus better. You start listening to the voices that matter and can add incremental or exponential value to your growth, hence learning how to discard the information that doesn't really do much. These mechanisms become a part of you. That’s when you start living and not just surviving. You start enjoying the momentum of life, the pace that suits you, and appreciate the moments that constitute the NOW, the present.
What better reason to go there?
Go there because there are places for you to go from here!
Go there so that in the future, you cherish visiting the past and not fear it.
